This sub-series of Self-Portrait entitled Girl Like Me, is a deeply personal and reflective journey into my own American black and white mixed identity.
This was a really good read and very informative. As a monoracial black woman with light skin and “good” curls - 😒 - I am often told that there is no way that I am fully black. That I must be mixed with something. That my parents are lying to me. I’ve never tried to be anything other than myself. I’ve realized that most of the time, people are just projecting their own insecurities about their race onto me. My parents raised me in a very cultured home. Growing up, I realized that some people will just never be secure in their blackness. Because of that they’ll play identity politics with everyone around them, refusing to admit that they’re the problem.
Genetics can and will throw out wildcards. As a community we have to stop being so surprised about that.
Thank you so much for this Maya. I feel like it reflects a lot of what is said by many people in yaba blays “one drop” book. I’ve found belonging is not a place welcoming to intersectional folx. It’s a tactic that really makes it impossible for people of color to connect in positive ways— as bell hooks writes about in “all about art”🖼️, it’s a way that we keep ourselves from seeing each others works and having discourse around it, but instead it becomes all about the person instead of the work done or the message made.
I went through a similar thing in middle school. People kept on asking me if was mixed with Hispanic or white because they’ll see one of my parents (who is just light skinned and wavy-haired).
It’s so frustrating. For a good majority of my childhood no one saw my dad, who is light skinned, because he was incarcerated. So, they always saw me with my mom, who is darker than me. Interestingly enough, out of 4 children my mom only has one child who shares the same complexion as her. The rest of us are lighter. When we were all together, the assumption was that my youngest brother, who is darker than me, had a different father and the rest of us had the same father. It’s completely the opposite 😂 my oldest light skinned brother has a different father, and is younger 3 share a dad.
!!!! This!! my brother, who died shortly after his birth, actually shared the same complexion as my dad. I think often we make it about the color but genetics go back centuries and you have to think of the amalgamation of folks (which can equate to entire cities/states at this point generationally) that make you, you! How is a person so disconnected from that history, so disconnected from that family, and so disconnected from that heritage qualified to authenticate what a person’s genetics should look like more than their DNA?! 🧬
Thank you for this! I always felt weird the way people asked me what I am. For one, I’m Black, but my background is technically multiracial…and people see that. But in asking, it’s like they already chose who I am. It’s weird! This is such a well written piece that thoughtfully addresses this 🩷
Thank you so much Dee! Your feelings are very valid. It’s the asking and not accepting that gets me even more! People sometimes even talk to me like I don’t speak English sometimes and it’s like… my family has been in this nation 400 years on both sides. lol it’s absurd we live in such a diverse nation and we can’t even accept intersections. My partner is adopted by white people and fully black and it’s wild where people try to place him too.
As a monoracial black woman like Maya Y (light skin with curly hair) I appreciate this perspective very much 💜. People are weird. There is so much infatuation with people being mixed, yet there’s disdain for it. Middle ground has to be created because there is none.
We cannot play by the oppressors standards of “authenticity” that were made as a construct in the same vein as them enslaving our ancestors. Honestly… and hot take here, but if “purifying” whiteness is what white supremacist eugenicists are always talking about why are we following those same standards to “purify” (authenticate) blackness? Some things are for the culture due to historical reasons, and those historical reasons prompt connections between us which is what makes blackness what it is, the diasporic story and shared heritage, but when we try to hold that heritage under a microscope it obscures how many of us there really are and how much we have in common, which is kind of what eugenicists, racist people and white supremacists want. They want to make sure we don’t work together, because then we can’t create a better system than they did at a more rapid pace.
That is an interesting hot take, for sure. And I agree! I honestly think it boils down to the experience of a situation.
They don’t want us to unite because of the shared, diasporic history and learn from each other’s experiences. Changes are really made then especially within the social/relationship aspect of the black community.
Seriously! Black people are the most diverse ethnic group in the world! We never talk enough about this. We are all so different, like a type of flower that blooms in unique colors and shapes and sizes every time.
This was a really good read and very informative. As a monoracial black woman with light skin and “good” curls - 😒 - I am often told that there is no way that I am fully black. That I must be mixed with something. That my parents are lying to me. I’ve never tried to be anything other than myself. I’ve realized that most of the time, people are just projecting their own insecurities about their race onto me. My parents raised me in a very cultured home. Growing up, I realized that some people will just never be secure in their blackness. Because of that they’ll play identity politics with everyone around them, refusing to admit that they’re the problem.
Genetics can and will throw out wildcards. As a community we have to stop being so surprised about that.
Thank you so much for this Maya. I feel like it reflects a lot of what is said by many people in yaba blays “one drop” book. I’ve found belonging is not a place welcoming to intersectional folx. It’s a tactic that really makes it impossible for people of color to connect in positive ways— as bell hooks writes about in “all about art”🖼️, it’s a way that we keep ourselves from seeing each others works and having discourse around it, but instead it becomes all about the person instead of the work done or the message made.
I went through a similar thing in middle school. People kept on asking me if was mixed with Hispanic or white because they’ll see one of my parents (who is just light skinned and wavy-haired).
It’s so frustrating. For a good majority of my childhood no one saw my dad, who is light skinned, because he was incarcerated. So, they always saw me with my mom, who is darker than me. Interestingly enough, out of 4 children my mom only has one child who shares the same complexion as her. The rest of us are lighter. When we were all together, the assumption was that my youngest brother, who is darker than me, had a different father and the rest of us had the same father. It’s completely the opposite 😂 my oldest light skinned brother has a different father, and is younger 3 share a dad.
!!!! This!! my brother, who died shortly after his birth, actually shared the same complexion as my dad. I think often we make it about the color but genetics go back centuries and you have to think of the amalgamation of folks (which can equate to entire cities/states at this point generationally) that make you, you! How is a person so disconnected from that history, so disconnected from that family, and so disconnected from that heritage qualified to authenticate what a person’s genetics should look like more than their DNA?! 🧬
Thank you for this! I always felt weird the way people asked me what I am. For one, I’m Black, but my background is technically multiracial…and people see that. But in asking, it’s like they already chose who I am. It’s weird! This is such a well written piece that thoughtfully addresses this 🩷
Thank you so much Dee! Your feelings are very valid. It’s the asking and not accepting that gets me even more! People sometimes even talk to me like I don’t speak English sometimes and it’s like… my family has been in this nation 400 years on both sides. lol it’s absurd we live in such a diverse nation and we can’t even accept intersections. My partner is adopted by white people and fully black and it’s wild where people try to place him too.
Jeez that’s so wild! I believe you should be proud of both — I truly believe the forcing folks to pick is out of insecurity and ignorance 😭
I’m ready for the multiracial army haha
We struggle with duality in the systems we exist under. I don’t think I’m deficit of “sides” of my culture. I feel like I have both, and then some. :)
As a monoracial black woman like Maya Y (light skin with curly hair) I appreciate this perspective very much 💜. People are weird. There is so much infatuation with people being mixed, yet there’s disdain for it. Middle ground has to be created because there is none.
Yes.
Phew 😮💨
Ok.
We cannot play by the oppressors standards of “authenticity” that were made as a construct in the same vein as them enslaving our ancestors. Honestly… and hot take here, but if “purifying” whiteness is what white supremacist eugenicists are always talking about why are we following those same standards to “purify” (authenticate) blackness? Some things are for the culture due to historical reasons, and those historical reasons prompt connections between us which is what makes blackness what it is, the diasporic story and shared heritage, but when we try to hold that heritage under a microscope it obscures how many of us there really are and how much we have in common, which is kind of what eugenicists, racist people and white supremacists want. They want to make sure we don’t work together, because then we can’t create a better system than they did at a more rapid pace.
That is an interesting hot take, for sure. And I agree! I honestly think it boils down to the experience of a situation.
They don’t want us to unite because of the shared, diasporic history and learn from each other’s experiences. Changes are really made then especially within the social/relationship aspect of the black community.
Seriously! Black people are the most diverse ethnic group in the world! We never talk enough about this. We are all so different, like a type of flower that blooms in unique colors and shapes and sizes every time.
Absolutely! ✨✨✨